Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
