I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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