This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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