It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
