Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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