1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
