last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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