you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
