did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
