I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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