Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
