I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
