I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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