can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
