Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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