I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
MIDGETS
????
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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