Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
