I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This baby is an asshole
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
