i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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