oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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