She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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