So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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