you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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