Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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