Just fell off a train. Bad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found puke in my bra..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
