I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
