Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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