Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
