Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
