I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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