i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
