Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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