Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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