When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
