At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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