I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I want her autograph on my taint
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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