the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize