Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
