I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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