So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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