Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure