All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it