woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program