everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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