I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
