if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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