My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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