your parents love me but you hate me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
