...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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