Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
