If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
