I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
