I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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