everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
