She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
