Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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