11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
