just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
