The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
