He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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