I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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