By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
