I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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