She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
