you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Verdict: uncircumcised.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
