To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
