I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
