I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
