Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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